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Memories, Dreams and Reflections - School Years - C.G.Jung-2

For these occasions meant a great deal to me. On the way to the house to which I was invited I felt important and dignified, as I always did when I wore my Sunday clothes on a weekday. The picture changed radically, however, as soon as I came in sight of the house I was visiting. Then a sense of the grandeur and power of those people overcame me, I was afraid of them, and in my smallness wished I might sink fathoms deep into the ground.For these occasions meant a great deal to me.

On the way to the house to which I was invited I felt important and dignified, as I always did when I wore my Sunday clothes on a weekday. The picture changed radically, however, as soon as I came in sight of the house I was visiting. Then a sense of the grandeur and power of those people overcame me, I was afraid of them, and in my smallness wished I might sink fathoms deep into the ground.

That was how I felt when I rang the bell. The tinkling sound from inside rang like the toll of doom in my ears. I felt as timidand craven as a stray dog. It was ever so much worse when my mother had prepared me properly beforehand. Then the bell would ring in my ears:That was how I felt when I rang the bell. The tinkling sound from inside rang like the toll of doom in my ears. I felt as timidand craven as a stray dog. It was ever so much worse when my mother had prepared me properly beforehand. Then the bell would ring in my ears:

"My shoes are filthy, and so are my hands;I have no handkerchief  and my neck is black with dirt." Out of defiance I would then not convey my parents' regards, or I would act with unnecessary shyness and stubborness. If things became too bad I would think of my secret treasure in the attic, and that helped me regain my poise. For in my forlorn state I rembered that I was also the "Other," the person who possessed that inviolable secret, the black stone and the little man in frock coat and top hat.

I cannot recall in my boyhood ever having thought of the possibility of a connection between Lord Jesus-or the Jesuit in the black robe-the men in frock coats and top hats standing by the grave, the gravelike hole in the meadow, the under-ground temple of phallus, and my little man in the pencil case.I cannot recall in my boyhood ever having thought of the possibility of a connection between Lord Jesus-or the Jesuit in the black robe-the men in frock coats and top hats standing by the grave, the gravelike hole in the meadow, the under-ground temple of phallus, and my little man in the pencil case.

The dream of the ithyphallic god was my first great secret;the manikin was the second. It does seem to me, however,that I had a vague sense of relationship between the "soulstone" and the stone which was also myself.The dream of the ithyphallic god was my first great secret;the manikin was the second. It does seem to me, however,that I had a vague sense of relationship between the "soulstone" and the stone which was also myself. To this day, writing down my memories at the age of eighty-three, I have never fully unwound the tangle of my earliest memories.

They are like individual shoots of a single underground rhizome, like stations on a road of unconscious development. While it became increasingly impossible for me to adopt a positive attitude to Lord Jesus, I remember that from the time I was eleven the idea of God began to interest me. I took to praying to God, and this somehow satisfied me because it was a prayer without contradictions.

God was not complicated by my distrust. Moreover, he was not a person in a black robe, and not Lord jesus of the pictures, draped with brightly colored clothes, with whom people behaved so familiarly. Rather he was a unique being of whom, so I heard, it was impossible to form any correct conception. He was, to be sure, something like a very powerful old man. But to my great satisfaction there was a commandment to the effect that "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image or any likeness of anything."

Therefore one could not deal with him as familiarly as with Lord Jesus, who was no "secret." A certain analogy with my secret in the attic began to dawn on me.God was not complicated by my distrust. Moreover, he was not a person in a black robe, and not Lord jesus of the pictures, draped with brightly colored clothes, with whom people behaved so familiarly. Rather he was a unique being of whom, so I heard, it was impossible to form any correct conception.

He was, to be sure, something like a very powerful old man. But to my great satisfaction there was a commandment to the effect that "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image or any likeness of anything." Therefore one could not deal with him as familiarly as with Lord Jesus, who was no "secret." A certain analogy with my secret in the attic began to dawn on me.

School came to bore me. It took up far too much time which I would rather have spent drawing battles and playing with fire. Divinity classes were unspeakably dull, and I felt a downright fear of the mathematics class. The teacher pretended that algebra was a perfectly natural affair, to be taken for granted, whereas I didn't even know what numbers really were.School came to bore me.

It took up far too much time which I would rather have spent drawing battles and playing with fire. Divinity classes were unspeakably dull, and I felt a downright fear of the mathematics class. The teacher pretended that algebra was a perfectly natural affair, to be taken for granted,whereas I didn't even know what numbers really were.

Reference: Memories, Dreams, Reflections: C.G. Jung Reference: Memories, Dreams, Reflections: C.G. Jung

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