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Memories, Dreams and Reflections - 6 - C.G.Jung

In the case I also placed a smooth, oblong blackish stone from the Rhine, which I had painted with water colors to look as though it were divided into an upper and lower half, and had long carried in my trouser pocket. This was his stone.All this was a great secret.Secretly I took the case to the forbidden attic at the top of the house (forbidden because the floorboards were worm-eaten and rotten) and hid it with great satisfaction on one of the beams under the roof-for no one must ever see it! In the case I also placed a smooth, oblong blackish stone from the Rhine, which I had painted with water colors to look as though it were divided into an upper and lower half, and had long carried in my trouser pocket .

This was his stone.All this was a great secret.Secretly I took the case to the forbidden attic at the top of the house (forbidden because the floorboards were worm-eaten and rotten) and hid it with great satisfaction on one of the beams under the roof-for no one must ever see it! I knew that not a soul would ever find it there. No one could discover my secret and destroy it. I felt safe, and the tormenting sense of being at odds with myself was gone. In all difficult situations,

whenever I had done something wrong or my feelings had been hurt, or when my father's irritability or my mother's invalidism oppressed me, I though of my carefully bedded-down and wrapped-up manikin and his smooth, prettily colored stone.From time to time-often at intervals of weeks-I secretly stole up to the attic when I could be certain that no one would see me. Then I clambered up on the beam, opened the case, and looked at my manikin and his stone. Each time I did this I placed in the case a little scroll of paper on which I had previously written something during school hours  in a secret language of my own invention.

The addition of a new scroll always had the character of a solemn ceremonial act. Unfortunately I cannot remember what I wanted to communicate to the manikin. I only know that my "letters" constituted a kind of library for him. I fancy, though I cannot be certain, that they may have consisted of sayings that particularly pleased me.The addition of a new scroll always had the character of a solemn ceremonial act. Unfortunately I cannot remember what I wanted to communicate to the manikin. I only know that my "letters" constituted a kind of library for him. I fancy, though I cannot be certain, that they may have consisted of sayings that particularly pleased me.

The meaning of these actions, or how I might explain them, never worried me. I contented myself with the feeling of newly won security, and was satisfied to possess something that no one knew and no one could get at. It was an inviolable secret which must never be betrayed, for the safety of my life depended on it. Why that was so I did not ask myself. It simply was so.It simply was so.This possession of a secret had a very powerful formative influence on my character; I consider it the essential factor of my boyhood. Similarly, I never told anyone about the dream of the phallus; and the Jesuit, too, belonged to that mysterious realm which I knew I must not talk about.

The little wooden figure with the stone was a first attempt, still unconscious and childish, to give shape to the secret. I was always absorbed by it and had the feeling I ought to fathom it; and yet I did not know what it was I was trying to express. I always hoped I might be able to find something-perhaps in nature-that would give me the clue and show me where or what the secret was.The little wooden figure with the stone was a first attempt, still unconscious and childish, to give shape to the secret. I was always absorbed by it and had the feeling I ought to fathom it; and yet I did not know what it was I was trying to express. I always hoped I might be able to find something-perhaps in nature-that would give me the clue and show me where or what the secret was.

At that time my interest in plants , animals, and stone grew. Iwas constantly on the lookout for something mysterious. Consciously, constantly on the lookout for something mysterious.Consciously I was religious in the Christian sense, though always with the reservation; "But it is so certain as all thaty!" or, "What about that thing under the ground?" And when religious teachings were pumped into me and I was told," This is beautiful and this is good," I would think to myslelf; "Yes, but there is something else, something very secret that people don't know about.

The episode with the carved manikin formed the climax and the conclusion of my childhood. It lasted about a year. There-after I completely forgot the whole affair until I was thirty-five. Then this fragment of memory rose up again from the mists of childhood with pristine clarity. While I was engaged on the preliminary studies for my book Wandlungen und Symbole der libido," I read about the cache of soul-stones near Arlesheim,and the Australian churingas. I suddenly discovered that i had a quite definite image of such a stone, though I had a quite definite image of such a stone, though i had never seen any reproduction. it was oblong, blackish, and painted into an upper and lower half.

The episode with the carved manikin formed the climax and the conclusion of my childhood. It lasted about a year. There-after I completely forgot the whole affair until I was thirty-five. Then this fragment of memory rose up again from the mists of childhood with pristine clarity. While I was engaged on the preliminary studies for my book Wandlungen und Symbole der libido," I read about the cache of soul-stones near Arlesheim,and the Australian churingas. I suddenly discovered that I had a quite definite image of such a stone, though I had a quite definite image of such a stone, though I had never seen any reproduction. it was oblong, blackish, and painted into an upper and lower half.

This image was joined by that of the pencil box and the manikin. The manikin was a little cloaked god of the ancient world, a telesphoros such as stands on the monuments of Asklepios and reads to him from a scroll. Along with this recollection there came to me, for the first time, the conviction that there are archaic psychic components which have entered the individual psyche without any direct line of tradition.

My father's library- which I examined only very much later-contained not a single book which might have transmitted such information. Moreover, my father demonstrably knew nothing about these things. My father's library- which I examined only very much later-contained not a single book which might have transmitted such information. Moreover, my father demonstrably knew nothing about these things. When I was in England in 1920, I carved out of wood two similar figures without having the slightest recollection of that childhood experience.

One of them I had reproduced on a larger scale in stone, and this figure now stands in my garden in kusnacht. Only while I was doing this work did the unconscious supply me with a name. It called the figure Atmavictu-the "breath of life." It was a further development of that fearful tree of my childhood dream, which was now revealed as the "breath of life," the creative impulse.Ultimately, the manikin was a kabir, wrapped in his little cloak, hidden in the kista, and provided with a supply of life-force, the oblong black stone. But these are connections which became clear to me only much later in life. When I was a child I performed the ritual just as I have seen it done by the natives of Africa; they act first and do not know what they are doing. Only long afterward do they reflect on what they have done.

Reference: Memories, Dreams, Reflections: C.G. Jung

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